The headline said: “Kylie Jenner’s friends found it ‘Ridiculously Difficult’ to keep her pregnancy secret.” Hmmmmm. Given that these people crave publicity, are on TV constantly, and wear very little, I would have said “Impossibly difficult.”

It was reported that U.S. Rep. Luis Gutierrez, D-Ill., walked out of President Donald Trump’s State of the Union speech early in protest of something. Actually, he just had to go to the bathroom.

The headline said: “Asteroids could place Earth in peril after government shutdown.” Yes folks, the asteroids have been waiting for this very moment.

The government has shut down, and non- essential personnel have been furloughed. If they are non-essential, why bring them back?

The headline said: “Bridge under construction in Colombia Unexpectedly Collapses.” Is the word “unexpectedly” needed in that headline?

The only joy I get out of it being -10º outside is that every mosquito that bit me last year is dead.

An estimated 30,000 people have taken to the streets in Iran to protest government policy. In a related story, the population of Iran seems to have fallen by 30,000.

State news media in North Korea has now reported that chief nutbar Kim Jung-un can control the weather. The fearless leader did that when he made a winter climb up 9,000-foot Mt. Paektu wearing patent leather shoes and slacks. He was able to do this by making it warm and sunny in December. And we’re worried about fake news in the U.S.

Former teachers and students are suing the California Department of Education because of the number of K-12 graduates who can’t read. The suit says 11 of the 26 worst school systems in the nation are in California. At one school 96 percent of the students are not proficient in reading or math. It seems like California might be able to save some money by not even having schools.

And speaking of poor schools, what suicide school did the New York subway bomber attend? He couldn’t even kill himself, much less anyone else.

Pfizer is cutting the cost of Viagra in half with a new generic pill. The packaging includes new directions, including instructions to call your doctor if you have an erection that lasts more than two hours.

Roger Goodell has signed a contract that could put his salary at $40 million per year. The agreement reportedly includes full health insurance. Pardon me, but if you’re making $40 million per year, you shouldn’t need your employer to pay for your health insurance.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has announced he will seek re-election. Gosh, wonder if he’ll win?

The headline said: Satellite Data Shows Light Pollution on the Rise. First of all, light doesn’t pollute. Second, if you want completely black nights, move to North Korea. They don’t have electricity over most of the country.

Astronomers at an observatory in Hawaii first spotted an asteroid shooting through the Solar System that apparently came from interstellar space. They named it Oumuamua, which in the native Hawaiian language means “a messenger from afar arriving first.” That is also the name native Hawaiians giver tourists at the start of the season.

ABC news has reported a story based on information received from a source “who has not seen the request but was told about it.” That ranks right up there with The New York Times reporting on a memo they had not seen (and still have not seen) that was read to them over the phone. Sigh.

GQ magazine chose Colin Kaepernick as its Citizen of the Year for 2017. The decision was made after Chelsea Manning was ruled ineligible.

A major earthquake hit the Al-sulaimaniya region of Iran on Nov. 13. Help was delayed reaching the area because no one knew how to pronounce the name of the region.

Dana Schwartz, a movie reviewer famed for having only one vowel in an eight-letter surname, asked 17 questions about the new Justice League movie including, “Why would Amazons ever be in leather bikini armor?” Dana, this is comic book fiction. It’s not supposed to make sense.

An Italian doctor who transplanted a head onto a corpse (we’re not sure why) says the first human head transplant is imminent. I would like to nominate Kim Jung-un as the first head donor.